Monday, March 9, 2009

Sea Stars, Hustler

I am as I have written far more lucky than smart or brave or good at planning. Without serendipity, I would have not survived childhood. I would not have survived active duty, and in the end the military would have put me in some military jail for desertion. Without serendipity, drugs and drinking would have killed me, or me someone else, or the law would have put me away for a very long time. Without serendipity I would not have met my future wife, and we would not have moved to Oregon and I would not have this career. Without serendipity. It goes on and on. I am sure the divine is in this somehow. None of it was planning. All of it was capitalizing on the turns of fate.

Sea Stars

I'm a lucky man.
Life won't give me more than that.
I want smart, brave, strong.
But I get lucky,
Serendipity.

The stars fell into the sea
And came up river.

I was on the bank
At the right time to catch one
And I've brought it home.

*********************************

Serendipity doesn't seem to come because I earn it. This is mystery. I claim I hate it that this world is so unfair. I think I do. I have something inside of me just struggles against it when I see that children who can't possibly have done anything to deserve it experience horrible degrading things. In fact I have a strong sense that many things happen to many people in this unfair way, that there ain't no justice! Some science fiction writer turned that acronym into an epithet in his future: TANJ!

But there is this other side to it. I write of my serendipities. I deserved none of those either. When I am at my most honest about myself, I am really grateful that I have not got what I deserved...I really should have gone to prison more than once. I really should have died in more than one way during my drug years, during my drunk years. And why was I not given the burden of someone else maimed or dead? I earned that fate. Why on earth should that young lady decide I was worth marrying? Or taking to Oregon with her? How on earth did I earn her love and trust? And my God! Those engineer guys took a street hippie in, turned him into a drafter. WTF? Over. There ain't no justice. Hmmm. Still don't like it :) Here's a guy who may have gotten more than he deserved...

Hustler

I am sliced and diced
In the sun, coming apart
At the seams. My heart
Is open just this way
And the sun comes into me
Through these openings.

I am filled with light,
A flood of beams brighten me.
I stand here aglow.
If I could make sense
Of that, of how the sun is
Inside of me now,

I could freakin make a million.

6 comments:

  1. The fact that you aren't whinging for more says 1000 words

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  2. Christopher - I often wonder at the twists of fate that grant to one and withhold from another. Right place at right time? Grace of God? Serendipity? I don't know. All I know is that we had better be grateful for every good thing in our lives. I have to believe there's a purpose in all of this, else nothing would make sense in this world. Making the world a little better for someone else is the light inside.

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  3. Maybe you bought up lots of karma points in your past life, lol!

    Seriously though, I think it's ideal to really appreciate the good stuff that comes our way. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom a few times to understand what 'up' really means, to appreciate things like the gift of that star that floated upstream for you.

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  4. Life is a glorified crap shoot, a risky and uncertain venture. I like the way you have examined your life here and deemed yourself a lucky man. Much of what happens is random and either lucky or unlucky. Didn't those mothers of the other young men pray for their sons, too - the ones who died in war? I have been searching for the meaning of life for many years....Today I say it is a crap shoot - tomorrow I may think differently!

    Loved Sea Stars and Hustler - a beautiful juxtaposition of the two ways of looking at life... yes, tomorrow I may be devinely guided. I hope I am.

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  5. K. Thanks for your comment. I tend to the one side, hence the serendipity idea. Happy good luck is God's favor. I agree though that point of view is important in all this. I hear in AA all the time that people believe they must have a purpose BECAUSE God has saved them from alcoholic death. I go What? Maybe. People demand God be on their side. That lies behind a whole bunch of human imposed misery on the planet.

    On the other hand, I hear some theologians who assert "God loves to be used. Ask Him. It will be given." For example, this is asserted in many kinds of New Thought, which is Christianized neo-Platonism in several different variations.

    I tend to like the idea of God Who loves to be used, but I do believe there are lots of trumping considerations, like never ever violating anyone's free will in any situation I might wish special favor. Any act God might do on the planet has to thread exquisitely through all the intersections and conflicts of free will, and not only human but all sentient creatures. Thus the virus which sickens me is as much God's creature as I am. He will not intervene. Not without real reason. I doubt that I am that essential to anything. If I am essential to God's plan, then a miracle might come my way.

    Still the kinds of long shots that are involved in my being where I am get kind of spooky when you line them all up. Not just one but several. I would have trouble if I had been made a famous fellow somehow too. I would kind of take that as me being one of God's favorites too. It would be hard not to do that. I sure am aware that there is a point of view in it.

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The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.


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