Tuesday, September 8, 2009

You Said, I Said

I am not the peaceful man that I should be. There is an inner disturbance that prevents certain things in my life even though I know I should be able to do them. I can see and understand. I can even give examples. Here is one.

I make my living as a machine designer. This is a deeply complex suite of tasks that involve relationships with other specialists, knowledge of specific tools and items, at least a smattering of engineering, knowledge of ergonomics, past practices, certain complicated codes, and after all that then specific knowledge of what the machine in question does and how it fits in the process in which it is placed. I have to apply logic, algebra (did you know this word is arabic??) and geometry all the time. You would think then that I would know lots about how to support my house and car, how to build things in my life. You would be completely wrong. I am a little better now, but not much. I hire nearly everything. If I didn't know righty tighty, lefty loosey, then I would very quickly have trouble trusting a frozen bolt or nut. I would not know which is right. I am severely mechanically challenged. I have a poor relationship with objects.

And what my inside experience of that is, it is disturbance. I am hung between horns of several dilemmas. Here is one.

You Said, I Said

You said I should be
objective, withdraw myself
from the things I see.
You said to follow
and become the things I see,
then go far beyond.

No wonder struggle
continues with such counter
driven strategies.
There will always be
tension present in my love
in a world like this.

February 11, 2009 9:53 AM


  1. I have to chuckle at your "lefty loosey". I have to say that for my husband every time he starts to work on something!

    I sometimes think life is about dichotomy. This, not that. We are complex beings, none of us fully whole. That's why we continue to seek, I think.

    In "You Said, I Said," you certainly get it right - mixed messages and confusion...

  2. Some people need tension. Even if it keeps things stirred up, it brings about feelings and participation.

  3. No wonder I never understood Algebra...it's foreign! My husband is just like you. We have an old story we tell where he tried to put together a red wagon for our oldest daughter at Christmas and it kept dumping the poor baby out. That was over 30 years ago and we still refer to it when he picks up a tool. LOL! I have a solution now, though: a handyman, electrician son-in-law!

    Great post, Christopher! Blessings!

  4. I kind of seized on the objectivity....if I don't have it I can't function...oh, what to do, what to do? Save the world or save myself?

    Remember discovering boundaries???


  5. I remember working hard to get rid of boundaries :)

  6. First off, I have to object with "you said". If there is someone telling you how to experience, how to love, well then, you're screwed from the start.

    (I'm relieved though, that you're not blessed in everything you do. That's me being a human with too many short comings. You just seem so even in your approach to all.)

  7. I had an excellent reply to your comment, Erin but Blogger ate it. I will not write it again :( I ended saying I love you for your willingness to stick up for my right to love the way I want to.

    Otherwise I am screwed from the start.


The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.

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