Monday, September 21, 2009

I'm Not Doing This Right

Here's the thing. I have this reputation as a "safe" man. In AA there are a significant number of women who don't start out trusting women, or even if they do, they are like me and do the best honesty and truth telling across the sexes, telling mom or dad. Me, I am grateful that I can have the kind of honesty I do where I would never tell my mother these things. Her instincts were wrong for me already when I was seven. But as a child of a single mother in the late forties and early fifties, I was trained to speak straight across with women and it works for me today. The women spread through the grapevine that I am one who will not mess with them. However.

Who is going to gift me with the kind of physical intimacy that I have done without for so much of my life? When Ann got so sick. Before that when I was a drunk. For the first few years going through our divorce and after.

In 1999 there was an intervention. The next seven years gave me an active sex life, even at times a colorful one. I have been solo since.

I am not lonely. I have many friends because of how I live. I don't lie awake nights aching for companionship. I would sleep fine if I didn't have other reasons for waking up frequently in the night. I always go back to sleep. This is not about desperation even a little. In fact I often observe relationships around me and go home grateful for my solitude.

However, I straight up miss physical intimacy. In the middle of the day back last February I spoke up.

I'm Not Doing This Right

Man, she called me safe,
said I was a godsend to
women wounded as
she, so open, kind,
so clear sighted and so wise
and five others gave
agreement. Oh shit.
Fat, aging, kind, wise old eyes,
Who, I want to know
is going to lay me?

February 13, 2009 2:27 PM


  1. Yeah!

    I am not fat or old or 60 but I want to know the same damn thing.

    I was going to say more but I think that's probably plenty :)


  2. I mean one I would want of course....I could find any old thing wherever....shut UP

  3. Oh you're doing it right alright... There just should be more of you X;-)

  4. Sometimes it's just wrong place, wrong time. My philosphy of why things turn to crap. Wrong place, wrong time.

  5. I know what you mean. I am one who needs a safe man to be around, just to practice the human interaction between the sexes. I really have trust issues, so I can appreciate a safe man around very much, it is a rare and wonderful treat.

    I hope you will find a person with whom you can share that again. Me too!

  6. Physicality is so complicated. It doesn't have to be, but then the mind, the ego and all others butt in line and they wag their fingers. Complicated. Too bad.

    Yes, to be laid with, to be appreciated, such a commonality we all share, and yet we let it become so confusing at times.


  7. What a hoot! Here we all are, all wondering the same thing, approaching it from the same angle it seems. It shouldn't be this difficult. I mean that's what my instinct says. My instinct says in the world I come from this stuff isn't that difficult. Here is one more thing that tells me I am a stranger in a strange land.

    Michelle, if you can't say it here, where can you say it??

    Catv, of course you mean a safe man who is not homosexual.

  8. Maybe I shouldn't even comment on this one. 99% of the time I am sooooooo glad I am with hubby.

  9. September girls
    Do so much
    And for so long
    'Til we touched
    I love you, boy
    Never mind
    I've been crying
    All the time

    December boys got it bad
    December boys got it bad

    September girls
    I don't know why
    How can I deny
    What's inside
    Even though I
    Keep away
    They will love
    All our days

    December boys got it bad
    December boys got it bad

    When I get to bed
    Late at night
    That's the time he
    Makes things right
    Ooh when he makes
    Love to me

    September Girls
    Bangles and Big Star

  10. I got myself a bad case of the chortles all morning over all this.

  11. Perhaps AA is not the place to attract a love interest. I get you though. I love skin...tactile connection, which by the way is just icing to love and trust. Therefore, you are the cake, my man. Somebody get a spatula and let's make dessert :)

  12. Ghost, I am not sure if I want to start up an ectoplasmic romance.

    Wine & Words, I have the same hesitation in general, though I have seen some super relationships form. Please don't spank me with that spatula!

    See? I invite stuff then I back off! No wonder.

  13. Giggling madly.....

    I see (saw) so many disfunctional sober relationships start up in the 'program', mine included........I'll leave it at see saw :)

    Safe schmafe...I like mine a bit dangerous. Now, where am I going to find a safe/dangerous single sober sexy guy here in Lost the Plot?



  14. D)
    Ahhhh i am glad i visited today,
    I love this stuff.
    And... just come over, i'll fix you up.
    ps Don't tell my mother i said that.

  15. {{{{Michelle}}}

    Exactly the issue. There are NO candidates anywhere practical to me.


    I appreciate the offer, and if you were in the next town (oh yeah and some other things) then I would shape shift on the instant.


The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.

Get Your Own Visitor Map!