Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Chocolate Truth, I Won't Go

I really like chocolate. I like dark, bittersweet chocolate. Actually, they don't usually make eating chocolate dark enough for my taste. I stop short of creating my own. That's because I am really lazy. I am more lazy than I like dark chocolate, because real baker's dark has no sugar and that is not what I mean. I would have to make my favorite chocolate concoction...nah. That's actually a truth of my life right there. I can't think of any dope on the planet that I went really far out of my way for. I worked hard as a dealer, but that was just me trying to earn a living.cvvvvvvvvvvvx <---Cat decided to add this... Of course alcohol is found at the corner store. I was too good at planning to get caught in a dry time without a supply. So I have never been tested to find out how far I would go for a drink. Without dope, just fall back on drink. I have never put work into getting my chocolate dark enough. Idleness trumps chocolate. Probably booze trumps idleness. Just how it is. Not was, even though I am sober now. And that, my friends is a directive. If booze trumps idleness, then don't get that kind of idle. See the intro to the next poem about that.

Chocolate Truth

What a wake up call
On this rainy strange morning
As I settle in.

To see you as ripe berries
Or an avocado heart
Puts all my senses
On alert. I start hunting
For chocolate truth.

January 7, 2009 8:22 AM


Here's another one of those poems. These poems are not sad poems. I like the tone of them. I don't even think of death as a sad subject. But then I am in the third stage of life, which starts according to the Hindu vision at age 56. This is the idealized cycle of Saturn and progressed moon. The idealized departure point from the planet is the start of the fourth cycle, which is age 86. First you have 28 years to become full grown, then 28 years to pay back, then you retreat to finish your self and spiritual development, in that sense, retire for the last 28 years. The ideal Hindu way of this is the begging bowl and the forest. So I am retired whether I work or not, because this is what I do, paying attention to matters of spirit as an individual on a path in the trackless forest. Dogma is not really useful now, though it might have been well served in the last cycle, and required in the first. However devotion might be useful. Hindus call that Bhakti Yoga.

I Won't Go

Coming right at me,
You think I would welcome you
At this big moment
But I don't. Not yet.
It's too soon for me
To go through heaven's wood gate
And down the ladder
To hang there waiting
For your boat to come for me
To take me to you.

January 7, 2009 9:42 AM

Oh by the way, I know what started this poem. On Robin Starfish's site, Motel Zero, which you can grab any time you want on my blog page, there was a great photo of a wooden dock gate with a ladder going down to a tie up. That was heaven's wood gate. Also, while I don't remember what site, perhaps Lucy's Box Elder, there was a picture of fruit for Chocolate Truth. It was submitted to a quarterly, I liked it so much. They did not use it. :(


  1. Mmmmmm.....yes, I like that one, and as for death...I'm running as fast as I can!

    The other way this time :)


  2. I love chocolate truth, well...chocolate in nearly any form. It's my drug, so I avoid it - say I'm allergic to it to convince myself.

    So, I'm 56, and I can relate to the stages of life, because my thinking has really changed in the last year of so - I believe I've come to understand at last what is important and what is not. My parents are in their 80s, and I can see in them the preparation for the journey. They're nearly ready to go through the gate, and I tell myself, "It is well, it is well with my soul." I tell myself.

  3. My vanity makes me add..."a young 56!" he, he, he!

  4. Ah, chocolate :) Makes one feel love :). "Chocolate truth" ... I like that...

    To find this pure
    taste, dark
    and bitter
    so true
    it cuts straight
    into the heart
    makes me know
    this is love
    hard and true.

    I guess I am still in the second stage of life. I think I should pay more attention:) Only 10 more years to pay back...not sure if I have done much of that yet.

    Stay off the boat, Christopher;)

  5. Michelle, It is possible that a graceful walking style is more dignified. :)

    Karen, Those changes of mind certainly take care of themselves in healthy lives. I know people who have terrible times with them though, and the people who struggle often look a little ridiculous as they take poses of youth against the inevitable. I am sure you look good, darlin.

    Faith, you got it. I am staying off the boat for now. I like your chocolate observation.

  6. I'm stopping after the first. I can't do two in one. I'm simple that way. The first, your preamble, your admissions, your linear trump card and then your poem, exquisite. And chocolate, life's blood.

  7. I wonder if we really have the luxury of choosing to get into the boat or not. Perhaps we do this side of passing. Once over? I wonder if it matters?

    I'm only in my second stage. I'm around for a bit but I do feel the loosening.

  8. I will go to the ends of the earth for real, super-dark chocolate. They even sell stuff that's 98% cocoa now. It can't get any darker than that without falling apart. So for me, chocolate trumps idleness, though I've curbed my addiction by only buying chocolate on Fridays. That ensures that I really taste and appreciate it. I'll send you some, if you like. Addicts love company.

  9. Erin, wow. There is something about chocolate which is beyond most other tastes. :)

    As for the choosing, that is part of this absurd position that I take with wrestle with Him, to argue about stuff, to defy and tantrum and all the things we do, to stand up and attempt a stare down, to take the pose of refusing His request to step in the boat...

    I notice that our medical community is about squeezing all the free will it can out of the phenomona of death and dying, making sure that we leave no staying alive stone unturned.

    I actually don't go that far. I have no interest in staying alive whatever the cost. Not personally. I hope to keep my dignity in it all and certainly reserve the right to define what dignity is. I think that might be a good prayer subject for a discipline, praying daily for death with dignity. More important than a will, I am sure. But then I have no heirs.

  10. Rachel,
    Oh you already have me as a chocolate addict. There is no need to send me an even more chocolate chocolate. Unless you want me as your slave. :)

  11. i like chocolate
    chocolate doesn't like me
    i must be part dog

  12. Robin, I need to apologize for the state of things that chocolate does not like you, a desperate situation. Yet another reason to argue with God...

  13. Every day one must be ready
    no promises of a wispy tomorrow
    I stand firm in today
    and smell the roses
    as I pass
    and when the boat comes for me
    I will step gracefully
    onto her bow
    and not look backwards.

  14. Thank you Cherie. Your poems are more than welcome here. I can't do better than you gracefully stepping down and in and not looking back. That is indeed my aim.

    What I know, the only thing that really lasts beyond me is the love I give successfully, give with a trustworthy heart. That will pay forward. All else will fade. Even the love that pays forward will quickly become not at all mine, just as given by me, it came from others and grew in me, but is no longer theirs. There is nothing else like this.

    All monuments will fade in time. Love will grow and expand. I will have participated, but very soon, no one will know. This is just the way it is.

  15. Yes...but running is much more fun :)

  16. P.S. The quarterly should have used it. THere's just no accounting for some people's taste. :(

  17. Michelle, I see that you choose stimulation over serenity. You are a passionate creature, and interested in the flavors of things. :) Rage against the dying of the light, do not go gentle into that good night.

    Rachel, I agree, they should have taken this one too. I think Chocolate Truth is as good as the one they chose to publish.


The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.

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