Thank you, my friends. I have hit a real change point. The other shoe dropped from nearly two years ago. I have been complaining of some tiredness, exhaustion, and really low metabolism for quite some time. It has confused me. Now I know it is heart related.
I had to return to hospital and get more observation and help.
The condition is atrial fibrillation, where the atria of the heart no longer pump in synch with the ventrical all the time. It means the flow of blood around my body is too weak to maintain high end and even sometimes normal activity. Apparently it is not in itself at a serious level to be of life threatening concern, but the stroke that can come of it is. There are some other anomalies that may signal some other stuff to come.
I am being ramped up at this moment into the coumadin regime that is prescribed to people who are at risk for this kind of stroke. This not only entails being introduced to coumadin but also, I must inject myself now with another blood thinner called Lovenox to bridge me into the new lifestyle. My mother was on this regime but had a stroke anyway. Her heart trouble was controlled. This is no joke. I live alone so I must wear my big boy pants and do the right thing without encouragement and some other watchful eye.
I am getting boxed in. I really need to stop working but if I do then I lose the supplemental insurance and watch my life fall apart because I have no retirement. So with all this extra stuff and less energy I have to continue working if I possibly can. At least my skill is high and so is my boss' loyalty at this moment. Who knows how he will be in the future, or how I will be either.
This is a common end of life dilemma in this day and age. My spirit is not that bad, considering, but my comfort level is at a lower ebb. I would prefer now to not have any life struggles to go with the medical struggles. They are going to be quite large enough.
I will probably post as usual tomorrow. Another thing that has happened, my main computer has failed with a start up corruption of some kind (says corrupt file(s)). I tried a system restore. I don't want to reload from the beginning and lose files. Too many poems to lose, though should be less than six that aren't in hard copy. My last remote drive back up was mid January. Oh well.
I love you guys...as one friend of mine says, "I love your guts." Keep courage, stay peaceful, find wisdom, do the right thing. Love your people.
Some years ago my poetry took on a mythic flavor and I became a character in my own poems, a mage, "the man of the Northern Wall". This apellation is not completely fictional. My middle name is Noordwal, a Dutch term for north wall, though in current Dutch it mainly means north bank as in riverbank. I was told that an ancestor, a Portugese Jew escaping the Inquisition, settled in a small Dutch town and took this name from where he settled, near the north wall of the town. I have thought for a long time that -wal meant wall, think my mother told me that. A linguist might say that my usage is no longer common, is an older usage, but then the Inquisition happened in Portugal a few centuries ago, right around the time the Moors lost control of the Iberian Peninsula and the Jews lost the modest protection given them by Islam. Now I write as this mage, my poetry persona.