Erotic Certainty - Reprise

Thomas Cole, The Voyage of Life Old Age. 1842.

Oil on canvas, 133.4 × 196.2 cm (52 ½ × 77 ¼ inches).

This painting and this photo are in the public domain.

There is a detail in this painting that is difficult to see at this size. If you follow the link or click on the painting and you will get a larger size and can see the other angel plainly. There are two angels in this picture.





"How long should you try? Until." - Jim Rohn

Emanuel James "Jim" Rohn was born in Yakima, Washington to Emanuel and Clara Rohn. The Rohns owned and worked a farm in Idaho where Jim grew up, as an only child. Jim Rohn (September 17, 1930 - December 5, 2009) was an American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker. His rags to riches story played a large part in his work, which influenced others in the personal development industry.

******
I first posted this January 17, 2010. I feel it even more relevant this moment, more than a year later. Even while I struggle, even while I watch bruises form from too thin blood and feel the pin pricks of self administered injections and through which I gather small drops of blood to check my sugar level, even now I remember what it is like to hold someone close, to feel the positive changes, the magnetism, to breathe another into me and approach ecstasy.

But I am old now...

I was a lover but now no longer equal to that task, no longer on the quest for dragons, no longer willing to stand my ground and hold the dark at bay. What I do, I do in story and fable and poem, do utilizing my cleverness. I delegate. I give way to the young bucks who know everything and then I watch how it turns out. It is ever thus, always this way. I fell short of senior independence. I do not have enough. I am in the position of the elderly who go out on the ice to save the tribe the burden. This is nothing to grieve, not in the best of worlds, just what is. Most days I am okay with it.

While this is still a story at this moment, it is really there in my near future. I have about fifteen years max if I judge by my mother and father. But I added the self abuse of alcoholism. That is the point. This is not far away for me. It is easily right next door, tomorrow. If I pretend otherwise I begin to be pathetic in my denial. I watched a dear friend who tried desperately to deny his mortality while it trimmed his edges piece by piece. I vowed long ago I would not let myself be in that position. I have carried death on my shoulder for decades, ever since Don Juan Matus (Casteneda) made that spiritual gesture so obviously right for me to do. Now I am reaping the benefit.

Erotic Certainty

You have given me
words, ruby flames rising
higher than I can
for I am old now
and you hold the true arrow
of the time to come.
Still we both know words
with erotic certainty
given as we love.

March 19, 2009 8:14 AM