Wednesday, May 5, 2010

This Comes From The Pills

I was angry with the side effects of the pills. They have loaded me up with three different blood pressure meds which approach the issue of my moderate high blood pressure from three different directions. I typically run at around 120/68 now.

I take a statin to keep the cholesterol low, this even though my cholesterol numbers were low. The reason for this is there is one vein in my heart that was 60% blocked. They said that taking this statin might actually reverse that situation. I want it better because this vein is too small for a stent. That means a fix is a bypass and that surgery is not nice.

I also take Plavix for thinning the blood, but it is time to get an appointment to check up on my heart work. I probably will cease taking the Plavix. On this day I felt the pills were in the way of my contact with my own soul.

I no longer feel like that.

This Comes From The Pills

You tell me to look
and I would if I were true
but I have dials
in my aching eyes
that have twisted toward lies.
Tatoos on my face,
oddly tribal have
marked my road to confusion.

This comes from the pills
they make me take now.

May 14, 2009 2:16 PM


  1. I know how you feel about pills. I don't like to take them at all, but alas, better living through chemistry! Thank goodness we live in a time when we can be helped by medications. Look at you! Still here and still kickin'!

  2. So it is that we live in a balance of natural and prescribed. It is to find that balance - exactly - that is, what I believe, is real life; not to be too far on either side of this.

    When I was 23 I was on my way to Western Samoa and my doctor found me somehow flaked out on a couch on the west coast about to take flight. He said come home. Routine pap gone awry. He smacked down on the desk a plastic container of red innards he had scraped from me and said, don't go. Stay and have surgery. My mind scrambled. I wanted very badly to go. I thought, beat nature off and meet it again in the fall when you are back. It was spring. He said, you might be dead or well on your way by the fall. I found my balance, even though I was disappointed. I used medicine well enough to help me live, and then I joined another group of people travelling across Canada on a Peace Bus and spending time in Native communities. I bled across Canada. I healed across Canada. And then I became myself again.

    We use it because we are smart enough. We do not look to it as our salvation, but rather as our crutch, so that we have tomorrow.

    I'm glad you've pills to keep you here.


  3. I had some depression meds...they made my moods even, which made me feel numb. Yes, the lows were minimized, but so too the highs. I started to do things which were out of character for me...just to FEEL! Now I go through it bare, a tougher road, but for this moment, the right choice. Tomorrow is always another story. *sigh*

  4. The side effects of my pills are quite subtle now as far as I can tell. Because they left in place a situation in my heart, I cannot tell whether the side effects are from the heart or from the pills. Some of the symptoms from before the heart attack are still present.

    As you point out, Annie, often the pills which aim at a state also sort of create a similar state though perhaps with more manageability. Thus you were sort of depressed in a different way on anti-depressants. I had the same experience in my youth when I was given that sort of prescription.

  5. Dear Christopher, I am writing this without reading your posts. So many for me to read and catch up on. I have been away. And in so many ways all my energy is being used up in my life... But I wanted to leave you a note. A message. A thank you. Thank you for the poems on my blog. I don't have the words. But... you know, I think, what your words mean to me.




The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.

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