Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I Wish I Was

Stargazer by Philip Straub

My last two lovers left me when you get to the bottom line because I just wasn't the guy, though there is no question I came close to being the guy in many ways in both relationships. In the first I knew I would fail but I had to try. There was no choice. If I had it to do over again, however many "over agains" there are, there is no doubt what my choice would be. If offered the chance to go back to her from here, however, that would be doubtful.

In the second relationship I felt like I had found an immensely improved version of my former wife. In that way she was marriage material but I would not, could not compromise in the ways that led to our final debacle. There are other ways I will not compromise that are not about relationship but about my character, whatever that may be and whether or not this is a good thing. Weirdly, even while she was overtly pulling away at the end, I was maintaining the faith that we would eventually be together. Now this is not to be, so it seems. I am still clear that I will not compromise in certain ways. It appears certain she also will not. I am not the guy.

Interesting. I had no idea I was coming to this conclusion tonight.

I Wish I Was

If I was really the guy
I would unravel
the tied skeins of you
so you could sweep back
freely in the winds of change
and not try to stop
it all in pockets
you fashion of your knotted
self. I would comb you.

November 29, 2009 11:07 AM


  1. I don't think I have ever read a more excellent use of the old school letter k.

    From your poems I think it is safe to say that you realize the difference between "wishing you were" and being responsible for the saying "be careful what you wish for"

    Your words come from a wise mind Christopher

  2. If I had fingers that stretch
    or arms beyond a bones measure
    I would pull heave down to earth
    and weep
    at what it became.

    When we ask someone to compromise in matters of character, it is a tragedy should they acquiesce.

  3. Christopher, I really love reading your poetry, it is so beautiful, deep, and so honest.
    I really love this one beacause I can really relate to it.. I love you..

  4. jessie, I have no idea who you are so all I can do is take this comment on face value as if you are an old and trusted friend. Thank you for your comment and your love.


The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.

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