Sunday, May 15, 2011

Hold The Mayo, Please

Here's life in the fast food nation as it once was. I have no idea what it is like now. I left all those fast food shops behind except for an occasional deli sandwich. I left them behind a long time ago. This is in part because I am allergic to potatoes and stressed by the french fry grease as well (where they fry other things). Even more importantly I really really really, I mean REALLY HATE something about Mayonnaise. Once it is on something you cannot scrape it off enough for me because just the thought of mayo brings on nausea if I think about actually eating it.

When my mother was alive I had corroboration of this because she learned before I could speak that I hated Mayo. It would go into my mouth and come back out forcefully even when it was not obvious.

I know they are better at special orders in general these days but that change happened way later. I formed my habit of institutional distrust based on relatively constant experience with throwing sandwiches and the like away. I threw them away because I also really hate going back and making a stink about it. They look at you funny, you know, because it is so hard to grasp that someone should actually have trouble with Mayo. I hate that look from fast food clerks.

Oh yes, when I returned to the US from East Pakistan and started my last two years at San Jose State (1969-1971), I funded my education in gas stations and fast food places. In those days in the Cal State University system it was still possible as a California resident to pay your own way from term to term on little better than minimum wage. Um, I did some outlaw income too, but I never made much money that way, just kept my using expenses low.

Hold The Mayo, Please!

Over and again
I say it until I lose
all patience and go
never to return
to that shifty house of cash
and carry on out
in greasy brown bags.
Look inside and see the way
they've done it again
no matter how I said it,
said, hold the mayo.

May 15, 2011 3:22 AM


  1. I must admit, some makes are revolting, but I happen to have found a low fat, garlic flavoured one that is certainly moreish! :) But that could be purely down to the garlic...

  2. What is really strange to me, I like all the components of mayo, although the vinegar is not my favorite thing. So it gets really strange that when you put them all together into a white sauce it becomes instantly revolting to my infant's palate, and something I have never been able to overcome even though it is intensely embarassing sometimes to cater to this dislike. My body rejects mayo prior to my conscious participation.

  3. mmm I like mayo but I don't miss it if I don't have it.

  4. My husband would say the same thing about Cheese. He always requests no cheese and for some reason it is like winning the lottery to actually get the burger sans cheese! Rare!

  5. Heaven, I can honestly say I have never missed mayo. Hmmmm. Mayo may be a county in Ireland - yes indeed, a county in the northwest of the Republic. It's had a population for at least as long as 6000 and perhaps as much as 11,000 years.

    You have to love Wiki.

    Annie, that's interesting about cheese. I avoid cheese on a burger too, but not on a patty melt.


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