Sunday, October 25, 2009

Walking On Eggshells

Sometimes, life gets intense. I spent two years at one point feeling like I was on thin ice or as I call it here, walking on egg shells. I could have said going through the mine field. Actually it was only eighteen months. I woke up from my habits at two years and realized the power was out of my situation and had been for about six months. I was so used to living the way I was that I continued for half a year needlessly, not even really understanding what I was doing. At least when I woke up it was easy then to drop the attitude.

Walking On Eggshells

I spent so long on
eggshells that I got fairly
good at no more than
cracking them some
as I took this newer path
out of the mean woods
of my wasted life.
I did have to pick shards out
of my feet sometimes.

February 20, 2009 10:11 AM


  1. I did walk on thin ice this afternoon, literally. Always in the back of my mind it's going to be a big mess when i fall through.
    I didn't and you neither:)

  2. The attitude does make a difference, doesn't it?

  3. Jozien, often you don't fall through. Sometimes you do.

    TB, Attitude cost me six months in a kind of way. On the other hand, dropping one's attitude is not as easy as all that.

    Michelle, I was grateful it was so to speak just my feet. I could have broken stuff.

  4. I grew up in the egg crate my man...slept in the coop. Only now, ruffling a few feathers.

  5. W&W, I have a feeling I am talking about something different from what you are remembering, yet the feelings dovetail, I think. I needed to change my life and didn't think I could. In that way I went ahead and did it against my "better judgement". I kept waiting for the proof that I couldn't do it. I still don't think I could have done it. I think God helped.

    Whether real or imagined, living under threat changes how life can be seen and lived, especially if the threat is basically constant.

    A dangerous family is a common source. A war zone is another. A disease like epilepsy is another. I notice that my heart event looms in my background now, so my health threatens me in this quiet way where it did not before. I am happy to report it is not a big thing because I decided many years ago that death is not my enemy. That doesn't change my instinct though, and that means the looming sense of it won't go away.

    Things change this way. Of that there is no doubt. Priorities change. The nature of my friendships change. So many things.

  6. Death is not our enemy ,but it is the big unknown absolute, so it feels intimidating.

  7. I don't think the circumstances really matter in this conversation. It is similar to a previous one we had (I think it was you) where I said that I do not like to moderate anything...not physical, not emotional, not tactile or verbal. Yet so much of my life has been just that. I long to be completely able, completely real. Only God knows me thus.

  8. HA! The power of understatement...I DID have to pick shards...

  9. Cherie, death doesn't seem to me to be much...a doorway and then things are really different but in another way not, a resumption somehow. That's how it seems to me, that there is some way I will pick up where I left off and what comes next will be by then self evident and ordinary. But dying is a whole other thing. It is usually viciously uncomfortable either a sudden agony or a long grinding something. I belong to those who believe that dying well is essential to living well, that I should somehow practice and get it right because it echoes back down the years and directly affects how I live. Carlos Castenada quoted Don Juan Matus as saying carry death on your shoulder. There he can advise you.

    W&W, that conversation was probably not with me. I understand you though. I think it is interesting that the Buddha went through that yearning to live to the fullest first, only later settled under the Bodhi Tree and worked out the Four Noble Truths. I think it is right to consider life as phased. Or say it differently, you can't transcend what you haven't fully embraced.

  10. Erin! I was missing you. I get angry that so many lovable people are treated so poorly here on the planet. I claim that I am in an argument with God. This seems to be one of the triggers of my "divine anger".

  11. Eggshells are eggshells, wherever they are birthed and walking on them is painful regardless. Crawling on them is a whole other matter and not to be recommended ever.



The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.

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