Thursday, February 5, 2009

Ending, How Long Is Now

To the autumnal theme again. This first poem follows on yesterday's post. Sometimes great beauty has its consequences. Here is one.


My back is damp, cold.
I lie here flattened, fallen,
Let go, no home now.

I recall bright sun, warm days,
Spring rain, green brothers, sisters.

I am brown, spotted,
Feel my edges torn away.
Critters feed on me.


Have you ever decided love was worth it even though you were going to crash and burn? I have. And I did. And I would again.

How Long Is Now

Now is the moment
That I notice a fair wind
Has brought you here.

I love your gray eyes
Gazing at my face.
I've pledged my life to you.
But now you say goodbye.
I stumble, shaken.
Tears blur my broken sight.
I release my heart,
Love you as you go.

Now is the moment
Angels permit me to see
My life's long arrow.


  1. I love both of these, and especially the second one. They are so very real, and they speak of the heart in such a familiar way.

  2. Heart counts for more than head in so much of life. And yet heart can't be communicated in words without head. It's a puzzle. I practice head stuff all the time so I can say heart stuff without confusion, but it's a risk and a price.

    The risk is getting lost in my head. The price is that many people think I talk above them. I even get accused of being too intellectual, too philosophical, but I actually think poetically, mythically.

    It has taken all of my 63 years to do this.

  3. Oh, your only 63. That's nice to know. Love your poems, as always.

  4. Beautiful as always. It is the letting go that is never easy. You let go with such grace in your poems.

    Head and Heart -- reminds me of
    John Martyn - Head and Heart
    (hope the link works:) this is still new to me)

  5. Faith, I thank you for your words once again. I wish letting go felt as good as it sounds...sounds like I have my shit together. Heh.

    I know how to save my ass. Not letting go sinks me. I am not always graceful in the actuality. You can't always save your ass and your face at the same time. But I have friends to lean on and spiritual tools to use.

    I devised a prayer for a prayer practice when Francesca decided that moving to Canada was more important to her than I was, but she wanted to remain friends. By that she meant really good friends, the hang out together kind but no more involvement, no more sharing beds. I was mostly unable to get my head around that, and still marvel at how women can fall out of love but not out of affection.

    So I needed something to do. I ran into two prayers MaryAnn Williamson wrote in a book. They worked for me, so I welded them together and revised them to suit me, started saying that every day in order to decompress. That took about six months but it worked. I never did misbehave but I stayed fairly distant through most of that time. Now I hang out with her pretty easy, though there is a bittersweet tang underneath the surface. I thought we would eventually marry.

  6. I like the first one. I can see it and can feel the comparison with self.

  7. Good, I guess, though I am sorry that critters are feeding on you.

  8. Christopher, I like the poem you left on Coexist so I followed your link here. I always go for love and let myself in for a hard landing if that's the way it goes. Love is worth the risk!

  9. Christopher
    I came back to read the comments and what you say breaks my heart a little. Bittersweet is a word I have used in my poems sometimes. So much of life is bittersweet. I wish for you that things had turned out differently. I think you are so wonderful to still be close to her as a friend. I know that is not easy sometimes. I have shed a few tears for you this evening.

  10. Welcome, Kathiesbirds I hope I can continue to please you.

    Faith, I am not so sad as all that. I had a hard couple of days, and then it was actually battling the "she wants to be friends??" because my m.o. is to go far away and start over, end of story. So I am actually a little surprised at how wise that move actually is, to go far away. I would be free all the time as I am right now of that bittersweet thing. It is only there when I am around her doing the friend thing. She still owns property here so she is in town from Vancouver B.C. fairly often. When she comes she visits me first to decompress, she says.

    I did it different because she asked and also because I know it is the higher road.


The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.

Get Your Own Visitor Map!