Sunday, April 5, 2009

Right Sized, Never Ending

I have a relationship with a power greater than myself. That is what AA calls it. If I did not have this relationship I would have a train wreck because I would not be able to stay sober. I know this may not be everyone's story and that is okay with me. It is certainly my story.

Right Sized

The way you level
Me - beyond my wanton grasp,
Beyond my dreaming,
Beyond the music
I make for you when I can.
You are the high slopes.

Leveled like any
Ordinary citizen
Of this old planet,
I once again can
Walk among friends and strangers
And they never know.


Here I am again. High and low. I can't go into the heights without also diving into the depths. At one point I was required by my circumstance to seek codependency treatment. In the interest of possible insurance support of the treatment he declared me cyclothymic. Bipolar to a lesser degree, in fact to the degree that it actually works creatively when I am up. And I don't go that far down, but can get dark enough. Like with this one.

Never Ending

The tears and anguish
Between us as we quarrel
Seem to be the point.
We forget the subjects,
Remember the way we hurt.
I want us to stop.

I am arrogant.
I hold on with iron grip.
Really, you should stop.
But no, there you are.
You won't let it go either.
This makes my head ache.


  1. very much so. Thanks for the great share. Paula

  2. I still think we can't experience the heights without having known the depths. It gives us dimension. Painful sometimes, but it's what makes us human.

  3. Michelle :)
    Paula, Glad to see you back.
    Karen, Yes. It is the nature of this world. If you avoid your own lows it will only be that they are displaced somehow to some other part of the neighborhood. There is always room for more, so there is such a thing as attracting abundance but be careful what you ask for because you cannot have the highs without the lows, higher highs may very well mean lower lows as well. When we are selfish, conniving and pain avoidant we may become quite successful at making someone else pay a price for our success at avoiding pain. If we are really good at it we make many people only mildly dismal while we gain the highs we want. That is the operative mode of many politicians. :)

  4. Hmm, I can really relate to that up and down bit. And yes, it can work to one's advantage, when the highs aren't too high and the lows don't hit rock bottom, which they never quite seem to for me. Nicely put, the argument for argument's sake; and yes I've been there, too. I touched on it here, in part two.

  5. Rachel, thanks, I read your poem. Two parts, many dimensions. I hate it when I get caught in that ugliness. I know but I can't get it to stop. Then the next day I am usually devastated no matter whether I won or lost. Everybody loses. My last girlfriend and I rarely did anything close to that and we smoothed it over quickly, but our differences were not possible to reconcile even though we were peaceful and are still very friendly. She emigrated and is now living in B.C., in Vancouver

  6. Christopher, yes I hate it too, when it happens. I've been fortunate lately, but there are still bad spells. Times when I feel as small and annoying as dirt on the rug. I wish there was an easy way to head these things off before they happen. I think nobody wins, in the end. Both lose.


The chicken crossed the road. That's poultry in motion.

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