Back in January, writing about the coming of spring. I did not know that my spring would be marked. I did know that I felt heavy.
Seeking God Himself
I carry this weight
Doing my part as you do
Accepting the chill.
At the edge of me
Is the bud waiting for spring,
Then to swell, intense,
Ready to burst with
Green flames, to look for lifemates,
To seek God Himself.
January 5, 2009 9:00 AM
To burst with green flames...a solution to heart pain.
**************************************
When I encounter the spiritual life I press so hard against the edge of me that I wonder if I can move at all sometimes. There is something about seeing with the eyes of God. That resolves some paradoxes. However living today as I am, another bozo on the bus, all I get is that the paradoxes do resolve. Trust me on this. Right.
There are no answers here, not real answers. There are dogmas, tenets, assertions. There is faith. If you try to hold one horn of the dilemma and then try to stuff the other in beside it, it won't fit until the other falls out. It's the shape of the mind, not even really the size of it that's the trouble. The paradox would fit if it was shaped more humanely or the mind shaped closer to God's shape.
There are something like higher dimensions involved. Those words do not have the right shape either...not higher dimensions, not in the scientific sense but yet these words evoke how the infinite is present in mortal life. So we say that eternity lies at right angles to spacetime and that has to suffice.
Barking At The Grinning Moon
Without God I'm fucked,
Without free will, this also
Screws me to the wall.
There is no matter
More important than my time
And what I might do
Yet nothing's required.
God, how shall I reconcile
Me with paradox?
If you think I know
The answers, then you're barking
At the grinning moon.
He taught me this truth:
It's the questions that move worlds.
Answers will kill them.
January 5, 2009 2:20 PM
Contraction
1 week ago
"Without God I'm fucked,
ReplyDeleteWithout free will, this also
Screws me to the wall."
This
quite simply put
is brilliant.
The paradox
lives in me right now
and doesn't make life very easy
when you fight against it.
Ahh Christopher, it just is.
ReplyDeletexxx
Yes, Erin. I wish it was original, but the first part was said in front of me in an AA meeting one time and was so poignant at that moment that it became deeply etched in me as a RIGHT ATTITUDE. The other side of the statement has been a lifelong struggle. I cannot make sense of this world, not at all, without free will as the fundamental challenge of my life.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, better men than me have pointed out that most of life is not free, that most of my freedom exists in the attitudes I hold. This is so obvious that a predestined life is a central tenet of some versions of religion. They will hold that what little freedom we do possess turns out to be inconsequential.
Yet for me, I know that my life has hinged on turning points, moments when a free will act changed everything. Choosing for sobriety against all odds was one of those moments. Choosing for the vision at the age of 21 was another. Saying yes to my first job in Oregon was a third. There may not have been many more, but these three alone prove for me that free will is crucial.
And Michelle, of course it just is. That does not mean that there is not a Promethean strain in some of us. I am a thief at heart, perfectly willing to steal fire from the god and give it to those I encounter if I can. The heart of my spirit is an argument with God. That too, just is. If I try to pretend otherwise, I sicken. If I live it too much forward, then my life is self destruction. I cannot ignore it because then I go to one extreme or the other. I have to steer.
This one brought a tear to my eyes............
ReplyDelete{{{Cherie}}}
ReplyDeleteCrumbling is not an instant’s Act
ReplyDeleteA fundamental pause
Dilapidation’s processes
Are organized Decays.
‘Tis first a Cobweb on the Soul
A Cuticle of Dust
A borer in the Axis
An Elemental Rust-
Ruin is formal-Devil’s work
Consecutive and slow-
Fail in an instant, no man did
Slipping-is Crash’s law
Emily Dickinson
Ghost, my friend, thank you for bringing Emily to the table. I heard she is shy and reclusive. Nice of you to talk her out of her rooms like this.
ReplyDeleteNothing is done in an instant but change of direction. If you have a fundamental change of life, there will always be an instant, hidden or in the open, that will be the moment the balance changes, the moment beyond which all returns to the past will be temporary and unweighted, while all forward movements will be more successful. Prior to that moment it will always go the other way, no matter how you try. In getting sober that moment is often not clear but it gives rise to the otherwise stupid statement, you are not done drinking until you are done drinking.
wow! powerfu!
ReplyDeletei always say,
the path is more important than the destination
the question than the answer...
HB, living the questions...
ReplyDeleteanswers are pictures on the wall.