You Did Not Consent

This poem is an intriguing (to me) mix of history and story. A thread in this poem relates the beginnings of my married love. The rest is some other woman, some other man. The poem is not about my story, nor Ann's.

How I met Ann, I took a live in job at the Hotel Ste. Claire in downtown San Jose where I was to be the night man on the public floors where the bar was and the liquor store. Ann was the front desk clerk on the main day shift. She complained her car wouldn't start one evening and I took a look.

Hotel Ste. Claire, San Jose, CA

I have no skill at cars at all. I opened the hood and wiggled some things. Then I tried to start the car and of course it started right up for me. I was a miracle worker for fun and for free. Later, she had to stay in town rather than go home because of a quick turn around one night. I let her use my room during my shift rather than pay for one. A couple of other times she used my room to change out of day shift attire for whatever reasons.

That was the start of our 25 year long relationship. Not long after that beginning, we had gotten intimate and I moved in with her when my job came to an end. My job ended because the union people demanded my non-union college student presence be removed from their house. The union people felt that the hotel manager was trying to set a precedence for non union labor present at the hotel. I guess he was. I was clueless about that side of things of course and my rejection felt personal though it was not.

Years later, during the troubles near the end of our relationship she did say I was going to be sorry I was treating her this way. There were other people in my life who broke into loud laughter of disbelief when I related the many things Ann had said to me. Ann was wrong to paint me so poorly, but my friends also did not see into the heart of our marriage and saw too much innocence in me.

You Did Not Consent

When I let you up
from the place that I put you
your eyes flashed, you snarled
and cut into me
belaboring obvious
visions of what is
and what now is not.
I should not have taken you
up to that hotel
room and laid you down,
should not have done you that way,
and by God you will
be sure I will pay.

December 18, 2010 7:22 PM