Urban Life

Urban Life

The city takes us
as we are, but then changes
us beyond recall.
We say all fucked up
and we mean it - in secret
we care so much for
the truth of these things.
We would rather be found out
than give an inch, pray
for rain than lower
ourselves to touch their slime.
Still, we hope to win.

September 18, 2010 10:06 AM

Recently, I went into surgery on my eye for the third time. I hope I am nearing the end of my ordeal. Each surgery is in the 5-8k range. Medicare and supplemental insurance covers all but a couple hundred each. I am told all is well. I see much worse but I think that what has happened is the cataract has shifted somehow. The cataract has been developing as expected as a consequence of the three vitrectomies I have undergone. Cataracts are an inevitable consequence of losing the original vitreal jelly. I lost that fluid because the subretinal hemhorrage I suffered some time ago broke past the retina and bled into the fluid, ruining its clarity completely.

This operation was the easiest of the three but it has kicked my ass the hardest. I don't know why except to say I am aging and doing so fairly rapidly so I can't say from last year how I will be this year. Or in another way I might suggest that this third surgery has my body drawing a line and warning me not to open up a hole in the white of my eye again. That is what they have done in my vitrectomies. The doctor opened a hole, removed the fluid and the oil droplets left behind intentionally and then in the vacant space he had clear sight on the retina and what happened since he last looked. He said all is as good as it can be.

I have damage that can't be fixed but I also had other things that could be fixed. He trimmed away scar tissue last time and reattached the retina again. It had come loose again due to scarring. This time he saw that the retina had held in place where he put it. The time before it had not.

Next in a couple months I will have a cataract removal and lens replacement. I will soon enough have a bionic eye. Gotta love the city. It changes you. That's not all bad, perhaps. But right now I am not doing that well. I had some sight in that eye which is gone to be replaced with vague blotches of light and dark. And I do not feel well, spending lots of time in bed. I have been to the doctor and made sure that nothing obvious is wrong. I apply lots of eye drops, three different kinds as directed.

Saturday night my eye started hurting in a new way (considerring this is the same operation for the third time) and that's why I went to the doctor on Sunday. *sigh*