(Blogger's comment: all but the update and the comment conclusion after the poem here was written to introduce this poem back in 2009, after the first heart attack. It is interesting to note that the poetry was prior to the hospitalization but perhaps not prior to the beginnings of the heart trouble)
It is said of alcoholics and other dysfunctional people that they do not have relationships, they take hostages. I hope I am better than that. I am now living as alone as I ever have. Even my old girl cat is gone.
*****
Update: I often have a house guest, a cat I used to dislike, but through a complex neighborhood set of relations has come to be a fairly good friend, mostly on his terms.
*****
She was once this amazing kitten, so amazing that I took a photo. It was really good. Ann sent it off to the calendar people. They agreed. She was born early in 91 and so in spring she was perfectly posed, a young part Siamese kitten who looked like a raccoon kit, laying draped along our weathered wood fence, surrounded by the greenery and flowers.
First Ann sent it to the Page a Day folk for inclusion in their main page a day calendar. They rejected her I think because she was a mix breed Siamese. That calendar tends to feature purebreds a little more. Then Ann saw the kittens wall calendar and we sent the picture to them. In 1997 she became January 31 and a cover girl, along with several other kittens, thus appearing twice in the calendar. She could not have cared less. I was so proud, I eventually had the whole thing framed. She was not only a calendar girl, but a cover girl. But now she has gone into the mystery.
Reminder
I will not hold you
trapped in dreams I have, not those
dreams of perfection
that I like to dream.
Instead I will take the moon's
rays and weave of them
a bracelet, remind
you of your freedom, of hope,
of your destiny.
Written February 3, 2009 8:46 PM
First Posted August 9, 2009
Lately I have noticed so many close friends having serious relationship issues. It makes me grateful I am single. The rest of the story of course, my health is such a significant and complex challenge that it is hard to imagine how I would be comfortable attaching myself to someone else's life. I am sure I would feel like I was imposing.
not relationship issues, human issues.
ReplyDeleteThis hit home for me. Here is what happened.
ReplyDeleteEscape
Forgive my long absence.
I have been held hostage, wrists
chafed and limbs withered,
so long
until
one
day
his attention wavered, his delusions
shifted and I fell
outside his peripheral view,
and
slithered
as silent
and fast as I could, a snake
tasting the air blindly
with each flick of pink tongue,
on a desperate search
for home. Now, I think,
I am back, but muted;
concealed; my stripes hidden.
I don’t dare risk capture again.
He ment, we can talk of this sometime if you want. Probably better discussed with discretion.
ReplyDeleteIt's Complicated
ReplyDeleteShedding years again,
as if newborn, shiny pink,
I act innocent
and offer myself
molted and muted standing
on the high stony
top of your rampart,
if a gift, then brass moistened
by blown melody,
me the young trumpet
of my renewed hope for love
while I hold your heart.