Doing What I'm Told, Singing To The Sky

I am not really that good at doing what I am told. Things have to get really radical. Even my boss struggles with me over this issue. He will fairly routinely point out that if I would just do things his way, so much would go better. Actually that might not be true. But it doesn't matter. I would actually do more of that if I could. But if I don't do things my way, I can't do them at all. This reached a tipping point some years ago. All the forces led to a sort of splitting the sheets. That meant I still worked for him but on contract. Since I owned a rental (part of the property, in the back yard) I was technically legal as a contractor. He however was not really legal.

The thing was, we both liked it better. He needed the distance to deal with my ways. I needed the distance to deal better with his tendencies too. We have been professionally related since 1983, and on my part, not really willingly. But as a contractor, he was forced to kind of remember that I was not his tool. I was forced to remember he was my client rather than my boss. There is a difference.

Finally, after several years, he got mellower, and me too, and we agreed to come together once again. I have been working direct for him now for going on three years. This was very very good just a few weeks ago, when I had that small heart trouble. Without the Kaiser insurance we carry, that thing (even otherwise insured) would have cost me several thousand dollars. As it was this thing cost me 250 bucks.

He still can't really tell me what to do. However, we both agree that I am to follow his lead as best I can. The thing is, he is catching up to me in this thing and he is finding his own hands letting the reins loose a little. Heh. Age just is a helluva mellower. Yes. He is younger by eight years or so, but now he looks older...

Doing What I'm Told

Before the sun sinks,
Before the creek rises, floods
Through the open gate,
Before I lose myself
In the sense of losing you,
I will nail my heart
To the northern wall
So I can stand here on watch,
What he said to do.

January 10, 2009 2:44 PM

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I have a penchant for witchcraft and shamanism. I know that the spiritual impulse went there first in the history of man. I believe, since it lasted such a long time, most of the time that humans have been on the planet by far, that this sort of spirit walk is probably best suited for the human spirit. But there is a caveat to that. It is not egalitarian in this sense. Only a few people really practice, often one to a band, with an apprentice, or perhaps a couple of shamans. The rest do a variety of things.

There are the societies however, both men's and women's in many bands, and so many do participate in some sense, but the full meal deal usually is the province of one or a couple people, and the rest know this. This tendency for minority participation continues to the present day in the shamanic spiritual walk. Witches have covens. There is good reason and a heritage in this need for privacy. Witches and shamans can be misunderstood and that misunderstanding is deadly at times, the way things have been and in some sense still are.

Nevertheless, the great religions have been around at maximum for five thousand years in some form or other. Man's spirit walk is at least 40,000 years old. This is beyond question. Shamanism is the forerunner, and is the spirit walk prior to history and the artifice of civilization, hence is the spirit walk of the natural man. I suspect that had I survived childhood and was born 20,000 years ago, I would have been a shaman. Hmmm. I probably have been one. Many times.

Singing To The Sky

If the sky asked me
I would reply with a song
Of how the moon, clouds
Need a dwelling place.
I would sing in keys that change,
Modulate blue moods
To gray and silver,
And back again to sky blue.
I would howl and bray
At the moon's track line
And bare my chest to the sun.
Then I would dance, dance.

January 10, 2009 7:58 PM.