tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2377252801421681569.post71536424514648662..comments2023-10-28T04:53:32.505-07:00Comments on View From The Northern Wall: Self Talkchristopherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04201537517464996231noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2377252801421681569.post-92164502326004366482012-04-17T09:53:30.115-07:002012-04-17T09:53:30.115-07:00Annie, I am fine with kinship heart to heart with ...Annie, I am fine with kinship heart to heart with you. Great huge hugs sent your way. We have been blogging friends for years now.christopherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04201537517464996231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2377252801421681569.post-70931745949630274012012-04-17T09:48:23.367-07:002012-04-17T09:48:23.367-07:00Chris, I just get up and keep up my breath. I am ...Chris, I just get up and keep up my breath. I am fine with whatever happens except the part where the world hands me insults and my body hurts overmuch. What makes you think your permission means anything in the mainstream of things? When did that ever apply? <br /><br />I found out a long time ago that things take center stage without my permission most of the time...Then a long time ago now, Casteneda demanded of my that I wear my own death on my shoulder. It's a shamanic practice. <br /><br />Later, I discovered that Hindu practice concurs in its way. Taoists choose to live forever, but what they mean by that is complex. Buddhists use the transform of death to return as Bodhisattva, much as Christians envision the transform of Jesus into Christ in His three day journey beyond the cross.<br /><br />I know you mean something less heavy than all this...you indeed are a good and longtime friend just as your family is mine in deep ways. I keep watch on you and them just as you are keeping watch on me.christopherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04201537517464996231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2377252801421681569.post-69636291191554755882012-04-17T04:11:32.443-07:002012-04-17T04:11:32.443-07:00Oh how I understand this. I am still opening this ...Oh how I understand this. I am still opening this target bit by bit....choosing to do so. Choose or fail to choose. Do. There is no try. All these little quips I want to hang onto as directional arrows, when what it boils down to is some sort of authenticity that I can live with, and the world reaction be damned. Oh so much easier said than done. Welcome to the island of misfit toys.Wine and Wordshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06778785233226804217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2377252801421681569.post-91488968512029260222012-04-17T04:04:44.393-07:002012-04-17T04:04:44.393-07:00My great friend, I still must tell you that I cann...My great friend, I still must tell you that I cannot give you permission yet. Who else would I be real with, who then could I trust in such a fashion...As you well know it took me almost fifteen years of watching you to find within me the ability to trust you in that fundamental way. So again I say thank you, and no my permission has not yet been granted!<br /><br />Chris....Wanderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12384347526625976847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2377252801421681569.post-40028775762657552802012-04-16T22:26:52.477-07:002012-04-16T22:26:52.477-07:00Erin, hugs and kisses to you. You are a great fri...Erin, hugs and kisses to you. You are a great friend. I love you hugely.christopherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04201537517464996231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2377252801421681569.post-73609079358040755792012-04-16T22:21:22.298-07:002012-04-16T22:21:22.298-07:00Erin, I can't say I actually hated myself or i...Erin, I can't say I actually hated myself or in your and Nouwen's word, rejected me. It was more complicated than that. I included that quote because it was there in the foreground as I wrote this piece, a find unplanned and so "the well placed word of God". I believe Nouwen points toward something significant.<br /><br />Where it gets more complicated, I did not really see me at fault but the world was, though the world would win any contest. I "tied my hands behind me" more as a way to keep me from standing out and so becoming a target. I needed a lower profile than I would offer untied.<br /><br />I have said before, it is neither rage nor fear at the core of me but bewilderment that I find there. I have never really figured out why I don't fit but I don't. I have accepted that long ago. In the days of my youth I had not yet accepted my fate.christopherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04201537517464996231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2377252801421681569.post-75035527370329743092012-04-16T20:39:43.314-07:002012-04-16T20:39:43.314-07:00you were learning:) still are. thank god, eh, it&...you were learning:) still are. thank god, eh, it's not over yet)))<br /><br />and why the hell is self love so damned difficult? it is as though we start out blindly loving ourselves, then rejecting ourselves and then trying to find our way back to acceptance. rejection of the self is so much easier but if i forgive everyone else's weaknesses and recognize that they are mid-way on their journey, then i must find my way to do this for myself (?)<br /><br />love)<br /><br />xo<br />erinerinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16636371927224076866noreply@blogger.com